**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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