1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
