Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
nutella sex= disaster
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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