Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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