I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
