I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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