He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
