I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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