I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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