Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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