so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
