I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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