I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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