Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize