I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
