He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
