Umm I'm too high to move.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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