his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
