Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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