he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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