He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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