Soap is not a condiment
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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