I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
pray to the hookup gods
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
