But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
vagina is talking i cant
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize