Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
