my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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