Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
