How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
then he tried to convert me to islam
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
