OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
