Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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