I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
