I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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