I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize