We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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