I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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