the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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