I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
