turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
