If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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