dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize