Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
