I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize