You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
