I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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