i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
