I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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