i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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