Your face is a jimmy john
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
