Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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