I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
