Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
