So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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