just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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