Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
