You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
