you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
