I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
