I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
