Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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