I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
