Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
