maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
