Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
