Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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