Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize