I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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