He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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