This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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