Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
