i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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