Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
