Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
