Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize